2004-07-15 - 10:57 p.m.
there are lots of people i've lost touch with. some of them i worry about regularly. some of them i think of only when the right reminder comes along. i always worried about snake.
i worried that he was going to get really sick and we would be scattered all over the place and nobody would be there for him. and i worried that he wouldn't let anyone know because he wouldn't want us to feel sorry for him. he was careful not to ever look for sympathy. he died on tuesday.
when someone dies i always try to remember as much as i can about them. it helps me cope with the reality of no new memories to be made. so watch out for the following string of consciousness...
i remember that summer when we talked on the phone every day. we'd complain about what was happening around us and tie up the phone for hours while everyone else was still sleeping or deciding when to go to kennington. he always tried to convince me to "bring someone" to sydney. someone he could go out with, like a girl. i would tease and say that i was coming all by myself and ask why that wasn't good enough for him. his reply would always be that i didn't count because i probably wouldn't make out with him.
he tried to expose me to different bands that he thought i would like. one night we just stayed in his room while i chose songs randomly by title from his massive list of mp3s and he burned me 5 cds worth of music i still listen to.
i'm not sure that i've ever gone drinking in the woods with such gusto as the times when snake was involved. he certainly knew how to liven up a situation (if he felt like it).
every time i called his house or went to his door i had to bite my tongue to keep from asking for snake. i'm not sure whether it was myth or fact that his mom didn't like that handle too much. i tried to keep it at bay anyhow. every picture i have of him is a similar face, tongue sticking out as far as possible. these make me smile.
once i went to university we would talk on the internet because irc was still sort of cool with us old dudes. snake pretended that he didn't care when i told him that i worked my bum off for shinerama (a fundraising event that universities do for research into cystic fibrosis management/cures). still, he would ask every year when i told him, how much money we made.
i wish i could only feel sorry that his life was cut so short and peaceful because his pain has come to an end.
but i've been overwhelmed several times since he passed on, and perhaps selfishly, with feelings of guilt... for not staying in close enough contact with him, to know how sick he had been for the past month. or where he even was.
we have a far reaching and colorful spatter of friends that we cherish. i think i speak for a lot of us when i say that losing snake so quickly and without warning is a harsh reminder of how important it is to keep up connections. you will be missed by the people you've touched and the places you've been. i hope you are at peace and that none of the "five people you meet in heaven" are americans. for their sake. ;)
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